We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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