im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
