Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
