in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
