dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
