is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
