It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think your dad took our porno
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
