I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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