Jerry, you need to find god
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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