i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
