my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
