So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
