maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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