the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
