Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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