I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
