and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I deserve this hangover.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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