Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
