If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
