How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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