dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
