Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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