Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
