The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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