Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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