12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
