I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
