The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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