she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ladies don't puke and tell
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
