It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
