Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
