I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
