vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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