My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just google imaged poop.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
