Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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