Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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