SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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