Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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