So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think my vagina is haunted
accomplished twins. life is a go
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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