why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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