Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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