I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
