Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
