i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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