Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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