Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
