I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
