Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
