so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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