omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
